My life in a nutshell: 6 months and counting

Colby is 6 months.. officially Not a newborn anymore.. he has quickly moved in to the Baby stage.. I hate that this first year goes by so fast.

I think between 6-12 months has some of the most dramatic change and growth a child can have. I dont want to miss a moment... but somehow. at the end of everyday I feel like I have.. missed it..
When I lay down everynight and say my prayers I have this feeling like I didnt get to spend enough time with my kids, eventhough I was here all day.

I see these blogs and facebook postings ect,about these great moms that spend their days in these 2500 sq foot no stains on the carpets clutter free homes.. they play in their beautifully maintained back yards all morning, then have an afternoon snack together while reading books and playing games.. Then the children magically lay down for a nap and the mother has enough energy to plan out dinner, post a blog, clean the bathrooms, clip coupons ect.. how do they manage this..? Im confused.. and I strive to be THAT kind of mom, but everyday something gets in the way of achieving any of these things.

One of the worst things about me, is I am NOT a morning person. Anything that I am required to do before 2pm is going to be half-assed.. I dont know how to change this. I used to be able to be an 10am person.. But after Colby.. who only sleeps 2 hours at a time at night.. there is no chance of that.

I am realizing that with more children the harder it is to actually accomplish anything. Unless of course you are a god like organized person which I am not.

I make plans, and one member or more of my family seems to have a different plan. The last two years the house has been plagued with sickness.. of all kinds. There are rare days out of each month when the WHOLE family is well.. no headaches, fevers, sneezing, coughing, diarrhea, sprained ankles, teething, bloody noses, kidney issues ect.. Does every family with three small children have these issues?. All the family is well now, except for me. I woke up this morning with a 102.5 fever, chills, sweats, body aches where I could barely move.. I am PRAYING I dont start the cycle over again with the babies.. Whom, its impossible to stay away from because.. I AM A MOM..

I love being a Mom by the way.. The way my littles look at me like I was a superhero.. I love that.. and I know it wont always be that way.. I have another year.. before Turtle will stop seeing me in this way.. before he sees me as someone to take his fun away like Riley sees me, which makes me sad.. Its so hard to be a mother, trying to instill in your children good values, good habits, & still encourage them to be their own person.
I do think I spend quality time with my kids, but I know I could do more.

Lets talk about eating "clean". what the heck is that?.
Ive heard so many people out there talking about their families eating habits.. and I suppose Im confused. what is eating clean and how in the world do they get their family to eat that stuff.?

I came home from work the other day, and since we are SUPER BROKE I didnt pick up dinner on my way home. yes I know Fast food = the Devil.. moving on..   my family 100% expected me to bring home fast food, because it had become the Norm in the fall photo season when I was so busy, but its the new year and we vowed to start doing things differently. Everyone was so upset! I made everyone something quick we had in the house and there were nothing but sarcastic complaints.

When I plan and make a nice dinner,.. they dont eat it. even if its things they like.. hambrgers and baked french fries green beans.. they eat a little and most of it goes to waste as they snack on cereal for the rest of the night..
&.. cooking is expensive.. People say "Its cheaper to eat at home" Liars.. or.. Rich People.. because when they eat out.. They are going to fancy places where dinner for 4 is over $100. its so much cheaper for us to eat out.. everyone can get something they like and the bill always comes to under $20. When we have Taco night at home... the supplies for taco night come to about $25. No one ever eats left overs, the kitchen is trashed, and I have to buy it, cook it, clean it.. so.. arent I just torturing myself when we could have grabbed taco bell or $14 bucks,?

So in todays world.. without having a personal cook and money to do those programs.. how do you loose weight?. cook for the family, then make myself somthing different?.. which I have been doing. since one box of hamburger helper only feeds my husband and 2 sons, which I suppose in the long run is good for me..

I need a life coach. or someone to tell me everyday.. DO THESE THINGS TODAY.. so when I get them done I can feel accomplished instead of always feeling scattered.

The boys and I have been walking around the house the last few weeks, randomly mumblin about taking a vacation.. I think that might be a good idea.. take us out of our routine and give us something to look forward to.

The bad things about vacations are they cost money.. lots usually, they never go as planned, and taking 5 people with completely different personalities is tough.. Mike has a plan.. and route.. and cannot adjust this plan even a tiny bit without freaking out... but with a wife like me.. and three kids.. everything always has to be adjusted at all times.. Riley is whiney.. emotional.. and doesnt like to be outside.. so somehow I have to fix that.. Turtle is fun!!. but he is two.. and starting to get the emotional side of terrible twos.. Wow!.. Colby is usually really really good whenever we go anywhere! but.. as we know.. things change, and they can change anytime.. so a vacation would be wonderful, and thinking about a break from all this "life" stuff sounds like an amazing idea.. but maybe just laying in bed.. thinking about it.. might be the way to go.

so far. I have been working on my 2013 goals, I am proud to say I am keeping up on some of them.. This blog.. I am blogging :) not as much as I should and it surely isnt as upbeat or as happy as I would like it to be, but.. it might be because while writing this,.. the baby has already woken up screaming once.. and I dont get any sleep..
I have not been negecting Rileys school activities. I went to the awards ceremony where my little man made the Principals Honor Roll! and.. it was a morning ceromony! arent you proud? ..    & Riley, Turtle and I went to family movie night, ate pizza got yoyo's and stayed for about 20 mins of the movie.
Im trying.. most days I feel like I am failing, but everyday is about learning.. Im learning and trying to do better. I may never be that mom I want to be, that wife I want to be.. but I can keep striving to be the best Me.. I can be..

One thing I thought about while laying in bed.. feeling like death...

I spend all this time doing things I HAVE TO DO.. and very little time doing things I WANT TO DO..   I know its just a mind set. no one wants to go to work, or clean the bathrooms. but.. instead of saying.. I have to go to this photoshoot.. I will spin it around and say.. There are so many things I want to get done today. and one of them is this photoshoot. or I want to get this bathroom clean today.. Because. If I want to do it.. then maybe it wont feel like a punishment.. lol

I slipped on water near the frys entrance the other night.. it was raining, and I was being so careful. I hurt my ankle again.. I feel im becoming one of those women.. those women who are always complaining something is wrong, or they went to the dr for this and that.. Its like a black bad health clouds follows you around and you cant help but have this incredibly horrible luck.. like god is saying "SLOW DOWN".. he could have just sent and Email, or even a nice little post card.. so im taking his advice, and I will be slowing down in a few aspects of my life.. taking time to look around. and do things I want to do..

The other day, i went outside to play with turtle.. its been forever since I have! we always have a good time and I take pictures and he just plays.. he is just himself. today.. he asked "can we go outside mommy and play and take pictures?.." I was sad that I was so sick I couldnt, but it made me think about what I have been wanting to be doing... all of these months.. and havent..   when we get the taxes back this year. I have to do something with my horrible backyard.. I need easy maintance. No rocks and something fun for the kids to do, so they dont hate going outside into our jungle where they cant even walk barefoot.

well is 140am.. off to bed I go.. since Little Squish will be up in about an hour.. grr..

Riley & Squish