Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Getting grumpy in my old age

See this,...

 Im smiling.. 

I do that allot, no matter whats going on in my life, when I am around people my first reaction is to smile, be cheerful and kind.  Bubbly and full of life,  because people enjoy people like that.  When I was little my mother and I moved every 6-12 months, depending on how long she got the apt lease for. I changed schools everytime so I had to learn to make friends very quickly. 
I enjoy being me,  although I do get taken advantage of allot,  I give things away for free way to much and I put myself out for others to make them happy. My husband has the same problem.  But I like who we are and I hope we are teaching our kids that its important to be Kind and Joyful to all people..

I have noticed as I get older.. I am less likley to do things, or go places I dont want to.. This is a change for me. Although I have always been stuborn, Ive been just as big as a push over. I am thinking that my time working for the Police Dept had a graet effect on me. I am stronger now, I say NO more often, I stick up for myself and my family, and I am NOT afraid to call people out on their crap.. whatever it might be.   I think this has shocked Michael a bit.  Last year we were at the Bills Cardinals game.. There was a HUGE guy sitting behind us, He was drinking, cussing and yelling at people in Bills wear, Just being a total JERK!.  He started cussing and there were tons of kids around. everyone just sat there and pretended to ignore him.. Not me..  Some things tick me off.   So I stood up, turned around pointed at him and told him  he wasnt a very nice person and he needs to be polite there are kids around there.. The guy looks shocked, and was quiet the rest of the game..  Mike was shocked and I think he was scared for me, and him. Thinking we were going to get beat up after the game.   I wouldnt have done this before working at the PD.  Learning to stand up for myself and not be afraid of people, their words and what they think. 

The sad thing is, I am noticing me getting "shorter" with my kids lately, having less patience and being more "jealous and rude" about things I cannot control.  I dont know if this is just because of the REALLY tough time I have had this year, or..  if getting older does really effect you. I know the majority of older people are grumpy..  most of the time about most things, and I never wanted to be that Grumpy old person. actually.. I never in a million years thought I would be even close, but I am getting to close for my liking.. 

It could be that I am pregnant, its super hot outside, this house seems smaller and smaller everyday, Turtle is into Mischief mode 80% of the time, Riley loves to scream about everything, and we are to broke to do the things I want to do..   Most days are good, great and wonderful.. or at least 90% of the days are. 

I feel guilty when I say no, or cancel on someone, or dont want to go to a holiday somewhere,  but I guess its healthy to say No.. right?..   Why make myself misrable.. so someone can be happy?.  So how can I be the "Nice girl", but still keep that balance..  I guess thats something I will have to figure out.   Give freebies when I am excited about it, and be firm when work is actually "work"  and make sure that I have time to do the things I want to do.  

When I say "ok" to someone.. something that i dont really want to do..  if makes me grumpy and then in turn I get grumpy with my family, and thats not right to do to them..  So..  today.. I start saying "No" when I mean no,  and I am saying "no" for my families sake, so they dont have a grumpy mommy to deal with for the day.  :) 

This is just a Trial you know  :)   not doing things when I dont want to..
But I am going to get back to my non grumpy, cheery self.   :)    well I suppose that never went away, I just yell more lately..  I am like that Momma with Soul around here.  "Boy!, you better get your butt down from there before I smack if off" Kinda mom  :)  lol 

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Sweet Summer Days

When I was little, I used to LOVE those summer days, No school, no schedule nothing to do but whatever my imagine could come up with.  It was cooler then though, Global Warming wasnt something anyone thought about, and sadly enough... today they still dont, but its painfully obvious its getting hotter, earlier every year. 

I see all these fun things other families are doing to keep busy, entertained and to try and stay cool! The splash pads, water parks, movies, arcades, craft days..   One day I hope to do these things too. but for now I have to figure out how to keep my kids busy, and happy...

We had our own little bit of fun, nothing big,   just a small pool, a hose...  a pitcher of lemonade, and snowcones.. - the cones..

Rileys first reaction is quite like his fathers,  FREAK OUT! turtle squirted water at his hair, Riley ran in the house, said he didnt want to play anymore, and started crying and pouting!.. so I have learned the only way to deal with this.. is to tell him.. to get his butt back outside and have fun right now! I feel like I am being mean,  but being incouraging doesnt work with him.   Well, he had a great time for hours after that.

See..  Big Toothless smile = Fun

They even talked me into getting in the tiny pool,   It was fun! :)   I think we will be having allot of these "free" fun days this summer.  7 more weeks till our little Colby arrives!    And I am still doing Photoshoots!!  I am crazy, I know but  Dang I really need the money!  :) 

We went Real swimming at Mikes moms house,  she has a salt water pool, the pool was 89 degrees! Did I meantion is Fredaking HOT in arizona!   everyone had a great time!  :)  we got wrinkley, we had subway and just enjoyed the day. 

Long summer days..  with crazy boys running and yelling and driving me NUTS! I am surely in need of a little girls time..  :)   But I wouldnt trade these days,  before I know it, they will be gone, the boys will be grown up and riding bikes around the neighborhood with their friends...   & I will sit alone, in a quiet house and miss these crazy days.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Oh for the Love!

Heartburn...  its a horrible thing..  Hubby has acid reflux and takes a daily pill. I am NOT a good pill taker. I dont even take the vitamins I am suppose to take everyday. 
Since I had that HUGE kidney stone, I am so cautious lately on my calcuim intake!
But These.. are needed sometimes!..

I think the problem..  might come from these...
My weakness this pregnancy! Its horrible and after I have Colby I am sure I wont be able to eat them for years!

7 1/2 weeks left!  Im excited!  cant wait to hold my beautiful new baby, and start getting back to life.
I need to figure out how to do my own maternity pictures!  That might be pretty tough at this stage.  I am still doing photo shoots once in awhile, I need the money like crazy!! I never thought I would be back to this position in life.. So broke,. Its a horrible place to be.  But it was my choice to be at home with my kids, and of course, being in the hospital so much in such a short time isnt something anyone expects.
I finally got to go swimming yesterday!!  It was awesome, its amazing how many things you miss that you wouldnt normally give a second thought to. taking a bath, and swimming were two of the biggies.  The boys had an awesome time.  As scared as Riley is.. he is doing really well trying to learn to swim.  Even mike went into the pool.. I basically had to drag him, but he had a great time.

We got bunkbeds for the boys months ago!  But Mike put them together a few nights ago, All by himself!! I am so proud of him! He did an awesome job, and I know that he is proud of himself too!  Now if I can only get Turtle to "sleep" in his bed.. that will be a miracle.

I've been trying to do more things, but my energy is starting to dimenish again since I am in my 3rd trimester.. How fair is that really?.. I was so sick from weeks 8-28 1/2 which is the "good" part of pregnancy!  Now when I am nearly all fixed.. the hole in my back is closing up nicely.. I am 30 weeks, getting to big to move quickly or around allot. Unable to get comfy in bed,  hard to bend over or see my feet. and I am soooo tired it takes all my energy to get out of bed.
This has been a completly unfair, horrible pregnancy!  Once day I deserve to have a great, normal pregnancy!
I have been cooking a bit, which I love.. choco chip pancakes, big breakfasts, desserts, trying new things.. but its so hot outside, I cant imagine going to the store most days.. and I am always missing at least one thing I need to cook lately. 
Cleaning, organizing, playing with the boys.  Hanging with the hubby. thats about it.

Lets talk about Kids!: ..
2 year olds... Hmmm..  Riley didnt have a terrible 2...  well his little brother surely does! I am just so thankful he is able to communicate so well, so I can talk to him and use logic at such a young age.  He throws things on the floor, sometimes he will pick them up when I ask, and sometimes he has a meltdown and refuses.  Throwing crazy fits for no reason, telling "me" no.. which doesnt go over well.   But he sure is adorable..  Here are a few pics from us just playing around the other day.
He takes direction so well, I should have put him in commercials when he was a baby.

Its crazy how children..  can drive you to the Point of Insanity!!... where locking them in the closet doesnt sound that far out of the relm of reality..   But at the same time.. or just a few moments later, they can bring you more Joy then you ever thought possible.   When I was younger, Before I had kids.. I thought I only wanted 1.. No MORE. how could anyone have more then 2 and actually truely know their children.  Now.. I know..  there are some people that are irriated that we are having a 3rd child, and one person who keeps telling me mike needs to get "fixed" after this baby is born, as if having more then 3 children is Crazy!.. well that kinda makes me mad, shouldnt that be our choice?. Although I am NOT thinking about another baby for years and years. I dont want to take that possibility away.  I know I most likely will never have a daughter :(  and that truely breaks my heart every single time I think about it.. but these boys I am raising.. They are amazing, each in their own way.  As you get older, you realize the things that are important to you.. and whats important to me.. is to have the family I didnt have as a child, I want my kids to grow up differently, to have a different childhood.  and I love the fact.. that they will have each other to lean on, whatever happens in their life.
For the next two years... I get to focus on myself.. What I want and who I want to be,  I cant wait to figure that out! :)  everytime I think I have it figured out.. something drastic changes,  but I think that always happens in life. to everyone.. except those lucky people.. I am lucky.. in my own way.. some days more then others.  But I surely am Blessed to be able to have 3 children.. when 7 years ago..  I didnt think it was ever possible for me to have any!.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Quickie Post to catch up.

Playing Catch-up.

5 Months ago I went into the ER for crazy tummy pain, I was worried about the baby, turns out it was a 10mm kidney stone,   I'll post the whole story later, but after 12 days in the hospital, 4 surgeries, 12 dr visits, 4 ER trips, an At Home Nurse, Picc Line for 2 weeks,   I am finally thru with this whole thing,. :) I am nearly 30 weeks pregnant with Colby, my 3rd son,

Riley just finished his first year of school!  He is officially a 1st grader now.  Thank goodness, I hated his kindergarden year,  Didnt like his school or his teacher.  He got truely jipped on the full Kindergarden experience.  1st grade will be better.  He did miss ALLOT of school, because of my whole "illness" thing. but he is so smart, he still tested at the top of his class.

Turtle is 2, and Oh my!  yes he is!  He has full conversations, he talks better then most 4 years olds I know. He is so smart and funny, and the Biggest Momma's Boy I have ever seen! :)  & I love it :) 
He is my mini me, in every way! He is into everything, testing his limits but makes everyday a joy.

Mike and I just celebrated our 9 year anniversary!  He took me to Joe's Crab Shack!. we have been wanting to try it for over 10 years. He totally surprised me.  it was a very Interesting Experience.. but I think we will stick with Red Lobster from now on. :)  On July 4th, we will have been together for 14 years. Its hasnt been easy, and lord and others know we have had our ups and downs. but we have learned from them, and are loving every min,  We still argue, and think each other is crazy.. but thats because we are opposites is nearly every way.. but thats what makes us special.

This year has been the most difficult year since my mother died..  It seems like every year I learn a new valueable lesson about life, me or my family.. Or what others are capable of.  This year. I learned not to take those little moments for granted, I never really did. Having such a tough childhood. 4 stepfathers, a stepmother, 3 1/2 sisters and 2 1/2 brothers.. changing schools every year, having my mother die of cancer..My friends became my family, only to lose them and feel true betrayal from the people I trusted most.   I have never lived a sheltered life, and I dont raise my children to be sheltered. They are well aware of the joys, and sadnesses the world has to offer.
   The one thing I never had to think to much about is my health. My ability to get out of bed every morning and conquer the day. 

This year, I learned.. getting out of bed, walking, moving freely, rolling over, taking a bath, swimming, bending over, going pee, and avoiding hospitals at all costs..  these are all things I will never again take for granted.  The pure freedom of not having cords, bags, tubes attached to you is an amazing feeling! I still have that terrified feeling as I stand up from a chair, or out of bed, for an instant I have this feeling I am going to get "stuck!" pull on my cord and be in intense pain for days.

I havent been able to enjoy one day of this pregnancy, but now I have 8 weeks to get everything done, and take the time to do the things I wanted to do.  This may be my last child, and I dont want to waste another moment, Colby deserves the best.. He is a survivor

I'm glad I have the time to blog more, I have 2 years worth of books to catch up on.  & what better time then the Horrible Hot gross summers of Arizona. Its going to be 111 tomorrow.  Looks like I will have a few days to recover, before going outside anyways.