Getting grumpy in my old age

See this,...

 Im smiling.. 


I do that allot, no matter whats going on in my life, when I am around people my first reaction is to smile, be cheerful and kind.  Bubbly and full of life,  because people enjoy people like that.  When I was little my mother and I moved every 6-12 months, depending on how long she got the apt lease for. I changed schools everytime so I had to learn to make friends very quickly. 
I enjoy being me,  although I do get taken advantage of allot,  I give things away for free way to much and I put myself out for others to make them happy. My husband has the same problem.  But I like who we are and I hope we are teaching our kids that its important to be Kind and Joyful to all people..

I have noticed as I get older.. I am less likley to do things, or go places I dont want to.. This is a change for me. Although I have always been stuborn, Ive been just as big as a push over. I am thinking that my time working for the Police Dept had a graet effect on me. I am stronger now, I say NO more often, I stick up for myself and my family, and I am NOT afraid to call people out on their crap.. whatever it might be.   I think this has shocked Michael a bit.  Last year we were at the Bills Cardinals game.. There was a HUGE guy sitting behind us, He was drinking, cussing and yelling at people in Bills wear, Just being a total JERK!.  He started cussing and there were tons of kids around. everyone just sat there and pretended to ignore him.. Not me..  Some things tick me off.   So I stood up, turned around pointed at him and told him  he wasnt a very nice person and he needs to be polite there are kids around there.. The guy looks shocked, and was quiet the rest of the game..  Mike was shocked and I think he was scared for me, and him. Thinking we were going to get beat up after the game.   I wouldnt have done this before working at the PD.  Learning to stand up for myself and not be afraid of people, their words and what they think. 

The sad thing is, I am noticing me getting "shorter" with my kids lately, having less patience and being more "jealous and rude" about things I cannot control.  I dont know if this is just because of the REALLY tough time I have had this year, or..  if getting older does really effect you. I know the majority of older people are grumpy..  most of the time about most things, and I never wanted to be that Grumpy old person. actually.. I never in a million years thought I would be even close, but I am getting to close for my liking.. 

It could be that I am pregnant, its super hot outside, this house seems smaller and smaller everyday, Turtle is into Mischief mode 80% of the time, Riley loves to scream about everything, and we are to broke to do the things I want to do..   Most days are good, great and wonderful.. or at least 90% of the days are. 

I feel guilty when I say no, or cancel on someone, or dont want to go to a holiday somewhere,  but I guess its healthy to say No.. right?..   Why make myself misrable.. so someone can be happy?.  So how can I be the "Nice girl", but still keep that balance..  I guess thats something I will have to figure out.   Give freebies when I am excited about it, and be firm when work is actually "work"  and make sure that I have time to do the things I want to do.  

When I say "ok" to someone.. something that i dont really want to do..  if makes me grumpy and then in turn I get grumpy with my family, and thats not right to do to them..  So..  today.. I start saying "No" when I mean no,  and I am saying "no" for my families sake, so they dont have a grumpy mommy to deal with for the day.  :) 

This is just a Trial you know  :)   not doing things when I dont want to..
But I am going to get back to my non grumpy, cheery self.   :)    well I suppose that never went away, I just yell more lately..  I am like that Momma with Soul around here.  "Boy!, you better get your butt down from there before I smack if off" Kinda mom  :)  lol