Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Some Pages Turned, some Bridges Burned, Some Lessons Learned

I am 30 years old. The past couple weeks have been the worst weeks since my mom died 10 years ago. Things I never thought would happen.. did..
I had this vision of my life in 10 years 20 years, it encluded someone I thought was very important 2 me, we would be going to parks together, shopping together, raising our children together. Going to their school activities, and taking family vacations. Growing old, watching our kids leave the nest, and somewhere in there taking up, weekly card games as a hobby, and arts and crafts night.. But that vision, that plan.. is gone.
I feel betrayed, back stabbed, and I was humilated until I realized,.. that.. I have a great life. I am a successful woman, married to a kind handsome man, with an amazing smart, kind caring son. I have a nice house, I am creative, kind,smart, spunky,fun loving, fun to be around, outgoing and I have lots of friends I really care about. Someone wanted that. and I nearly feel sorry for this person. That the desperation ran so deep, the sadness and low self esteem was so powerful, that it made what happened.. seem.. ok, not that bad. and maybe she (me) will never know.
I am sad, because I feel like I have lost a part of my family, and experienced a deeply broken heart, in more ways then one. I still have visions of things I read, and bad thoughts. involving knives, cars, ropes., ect.. but I suppose thats normal for awhile, and I know that evertday will get better, everyday I will forgive a little more. Although I will NEVER FORGET. The last couple of weeks, have proved what I have been telling my husband for years. Women are Evil, and Men are Stupid.
I know im not perfect,and have made mistakes but Im working on it. and I am re-building that foundation on which my life is based on.
I am truely sorry that this happened, But maybe some day I will realize it was a blessing, instead of the way it feels right now. I hope,
I am going to continue being me, raising my son, loving my husband, and living my life, But a little wiser this time. To this person who hurt my family so deeply, I want you to know, I love your children, I always will, I love you, and your family, I always will, I took your pictures out of my house, but I cannot take you out of my heart. One day the pain will fade, and the memories wont be so vivid. I cant wait for that day. For the day, that I look back at our past, and think good thankful thoughts, knowing that you are one of the people that helped make me who I am, and I thank you for that. But I can never see us speaking or seeing each other again. I hope your life, is everything you ever wanted it to be. & I hope that you find whatever it is your looking for.

ok.. moving on..
Mike turned 30! We had a party. we played a game, we hit a pinata, we had pizza.
Mike and I went on a nice date tonght! :) It was fun! We went to Red Lobster! Which I love and the Crab was perfect! then we went to see... the Ugly truth!! Which was so cute, and funny, and yes a chick flick but mike loved it. It was a guy movie too! & we discovered a new word that perfectly discribes my husband! It was so funny., Nuerotic! :) But those are some of the very reasons I love him.
It was our first night out without riley since we saw, 'Forgetting Sarah marshall" which I think that came out a year ago!! So it was nice, and it was the first time I wasnt really worried about riley. He is growing up so fast! and Communicating so well.
School starts in a coupld of weeks, and I am taking a pretty heavy class load this time. Im nervous, but I know I can handle it! :) After this semester I will recieve my Crime Scene Investigator Tech Certificate :) Im excited!
Riley and I had fun taking funny face pics.. I couldnt get them all I was laughing to hard! Here are a few

I think I have aged 10 years this week!!

4 Comments!! I love Comments!:

Crissybug said...

Wow Casey...I am so sorry. I hope things will look brighter for you.

Amy said...

It's too bad for that person. They lost an awesome friend in YOU.

But you look so pretty!

Charli said...

I have to say that things are moving on. Keeping up with the " jones" is not a simple thing to do. There is nothing wrong with living your own life for a while. Mike and Riley are and yourself is all you need to worry about for while. All others are still family and friends but they should come second to Mike and Riley, Easier said then done :0 I know.

I am glad that you had a night out with Mike, try to do it once a month if you can.
And by the way I think you look young, You look the same from when I first meet you. In seventh grade I forget the class.
If you look 10 yrs older then I look 50 !!!!
Hugs and Love I am always a text away if you ever need to talk
One day at a time, and achieve your goals not someone elses.

Langen Family said...

I am so sorry, I feel so bad, But like you said you are an amazing person. And that person is very foolish to loose someone as nice, caring and fun as you. I love you to death and I know it will all work out in the end and that it will get better for you.