Not 30 anymore! Thank god!!

I have been dreading this post for awhille now. for many reasons. Trying to sound positive and cheery in a post is easy when it something fun you did, or a family celebration. But when its more of a turning point, and hopefully a beginning to something better, someone better, you want to be honest.
So here goes, This has been a horrible year. Turning 30 was nothing like the movie 13 going on 30! It was suppose to be... 30 Flirty and Fun! & really thats what I expected. 30's the new 20!! Wooohooo.... its all crap.. Its when you actually start to look at your life, and debate on whether this is the life you signed up for. When your frustrated that you want to be so thankful for everything in your life, but have a difficult time doing that. In your 20's your so excited to be on your own, cant wait to fall in love and get married, have kids, and find the perfect place to live. your so busy you fail to stop and take a look around at whom you have become. I think in your 20's you lose allot of your true self, to busy trying to create a life you think you want.
One day around.. 30.. you wake up, realize, the house is a mess, you have to many obligations and responsibilites, and you are so tired! and you cant remember the last thing you truely did for yourself when you didnt feel guilty about it. & all you want to do is cry. This is a turning point, reality sets in and its time for a change..

So.. Here is what I know..
I lost allot this year. Someone who was important in my life, I learned betrayal can come from the most unexpected places and people are capable of things you would never think are possible. But I have spent to much time being mad, and upset, since I cannot change the past, I will no longer let it cloud my days, and haunt my thoughts and dreams. I think the worst part is this person doesnt even seem to care, no regrets, no apologies, and no explanation. That hurts most.

I have noticed this year I have gotten more bold, I am not afraid to speak my mind, and eventhough I am a very honest person, I feel like I can hold my own now. & that.. Being Nice.. isnt always the best way to handle things. Riley has helped me allot, he always speaks up for what he considers injustice and he is only 3! So if he can defend me.. I can surely not let people run over me anymore.

We took our first family vacation to seaworld and legoland, First time for all of us!, We made our first late mortgage payment in over 6 years :( .We went to the snow! for the first time, Riley is potty trained! (major bonus), We are having our 2nd child, & we have a truck that only holds 2 people.. So.. lol I might be riding in back allot after the baby comes :) But that ok, I adventurous :)
We have expierenced so many new things as a family!

It was mostly a sad year, a year of learning, a year of discovery, a year of realizing what I want and who I want in my life and who I dont.
I have started the next chapter. I can see the end of the tunnel and look forward to the sunshine. Riley will be starting pre-school in january, a few months later we will have an new addition to our little family. Things are looking up, and I have come to realize I cannot do everything myself. and I am working on asking for help more. I am finding the positive side of things again, and enjoying it. I am looking forward to so many things! & I do have so many blessings in my life that I am so Thankful for!
My husband is one of the kindest people I know and I am thankful for that. He is an amazing dad! Riley is the sunlight in my day. Even when he is driving me nuts I still want to be around him!.. I am actually thankful for school! & proud of myself for still going, I want Riley to know its important to finish his education, and know that mommy worked, raised a family and finished school eventhough its going to take me 10 years to do it!
So the glass is half full from now on! I am so Thankful Im not 30 anymore!! & my pre-mid life crisis has ended.

Some Pages Turned, some Bridges Burned, Some Lessons Learned

I am 30 years old. The past couple weeks have been the worst weeks since my mom died 10 years ago. Things I never thought would happen.. did..
I had this vision of my life in 10 years 20 years, it encluded someone I thought was very important 2 me, we would be going to parks together, shopping together, raising our children together. Going to their school activities, and taking family vacations. Growing old, watching our kids leave the nest, and somewhere in there taking up, weekly card games as a hobby, and arts and crafts night.. But that vision, that plan.. is gone.
I feel betrayed, back stabbed, and I was humilated until I realized,.. that.. I have a great life. I am a successful woman, married to a kind handsome man, with an amazing smart, kind caring son. I have a nice house, I am creative, kind,smart, spunky,fun loving, fun to be around, outgoing and I have lots of friends I really care about. Someone wanted that. and I nearly feel sorry for this person. That the desperation ran so deep, the sadness and low self esteem was so powerful, that it made what happened.. seem.. ok, not that bad. and maybe she (me) will never know.
I am sad, because I feel like I have lost a part of my family, and experienced a deeply broken heart, in more ways then one. I still have visions of things I read, and bad thoughts. involving knives, cars, ropes., ect.. but I suppose thats normal for awhile, and I know that evertday will get better, everyday I will forgive a little more. Although I will NEVER FORGET. The last couple of weeks, have proved what I have been telling my husband for years. Women are Evil, and Men are Stupid.
I know im not perfect,and have made mistakes but Im working on it. and I am re-building that foundation on which my life is based on.
I am truely sorry that this happened, But maybe some day I will realize it was a blessing, instead of the way it feels right now. I hope,
I am going to continue being me, raising my son, loving my husband, and living my life, But a little wiser this time. To this person who hurt my family so deeply, I want you to know, I love your children, I always will, I love you, and your family, I always will, I took your pictures out of my house, but I cannot take you out of my heart. One day the pain will fade, and the memories wont be so vivid. I cant wait for that day. For the day, that I look back at our past, and think good thankful thoughts, knowing that you are one of the people that helped make me who I am, and I thank you for that. But I can never see us speaking or seeing each other again. I hope your life, is everything you ever wanted it to be. & I hope that you find whatever it is your looking for.


ok.. moving on..
Mike turned 30! We had a party. we played a game, we hit a pinata, we had pizza.
Mike and I went on a nice date tonght! :) It was fun! We went to Red Lobster! Which I love and the Crab was perfect! then we went to see... the Ugly truth!! Which was so cute, and funny, and yes a chick flick but mike loved it. It was a guy movie too! & we discovered a new word that perfectly discribes my husband! It was so funny., Nuerotic! :) But those are some of the very reasons I love him.
It was our first night out without riley since we saw, 'Forgetting Sarah marshall" which I think that came out a year ago!! So it was nice, and it was the first time I wasnt really worried about riley. He is growing up so fast! and Communicating so well.
School starts in a coupld of weeks, and I am taking a pretty heavy class load this time. Im nervous, but I know I can handle it! :) After this semester I will recieve my Crime Scene Investigator Tech Certificate :) Im excited!
Riley and I had fun taking funny face pics.. I couldnt get them all I was laughing to hard! Here are a few




I think I have aged 10 years this week!!

Domestic Goddess... in training

I made homemade ice cream today! :) I have always wanted to. Heather made some and brought some for dessert a few months ago, It was awesome!! Since then I have wanted to get an ice cream maker. I wanted to make it last week, I bought all the stuff.. took it out of the box, and read STEP #1... Freeze the indside container for 12-16 hours!

Crap... so I tried again today, after freezing it for 2 days..
It was so easy! but that little thing is loud,
I made cherry vanilla ice cream, and put in mini-chocolate chips and fresh cherries.

Mental health Day..

I had to take a Mental health day from work today.. @ least it came out of my sick time, and for the first time in a long time I didnt feel guilty at all about calling out.
It was 10 years Yesterday that my mom passed away of Ovarian and Cervical Cancer.. I cant believe its been 10 years.. and all the things that have happened in my life in 10 yaers.. and all the things I missed having her here for.

I got up earlier then normal (for me anyways) played with Riley, Tried out my new American Idol Wii game... which is pretty fun actually. got ready and headed to walmart. Spent way to much time there, but some days you just feel like walking around looking at things you cant afford :) then went to a movie with Emily. We saw
The ghosts of girlfriends past.. It was so cute :) and its nice to look at Matthew mcconaughey for 2 hours.. Then I stopped at Krispy Kreme for a nice family treat to end the day off well.

which.. brings me to my next odd thought of the week..
Ok, So Riley keeps getting my moms bible out of my drawer and I find it around the house, (which bugs me I need to hide it from him, since its important and I dont want him to ruin it) My mother was a spiritual person, but not religous until the end of her life. She taped a post it note to the front of the Bible and written on it the 7 Sins.. 1. Laziness 2. Glutony 3. Greed 4. Lust 5. Envy 6. Anger 7. Pride = #1
So, everytime I pick it up to put it back i see these and think about,, How many of the 7 deadly sins have I commited today.

Today.. I was to lazy to do the dishes #1, Ate 3 krispy keme donuts #2, Called out sick of work #3, Watched Matthew Mcconaughey #4, Wished I could have a baby like my sister in law #5, got upset with the handicap out of state driver in front of me doing 8 miles under the speed limit on a 4 miles stretch where you cant pass #6, and.. for a change.. I wasnt prideful today.. I didnt take pride in much,, but honestly whats wrong with pride.. Pride.. being the best you can be at something.
Like when I take pride in being a great dispatcher = me saving lives, taking pride in being a kind person = making the world a little happier place, taking pride in being a good mom = raising an awesome, kind, responsible, smart, independent, kid ( who will someday grow up to be a great man who will do something amazing with his life)..
So today, I have commited at least 6 deadly sins.. I dont think there is enough holy water in the world to fix that.
Maybe.. I'll ask god to sit down and come up with new ones. That relate more to the world today :) like.. sin #1 pretending to be someone else online (this includes facebook, myspace, chat rooms, and even lying about your body type on your profile) sin #2 Tivo'ing more then 8 hours of non educational, or informational television (only so many guilty little pleasures of watching fluff reality tv shall be allowed) sin #3 MURDER, shouldnt that be like.. #1 on the list.. on the SHALL NEVER DO list?? We can also add in this section, rape, torture, abuse mental, phsycal, animal, child, elder.. that kind of stuff..
sin #4 Stealing, shouldnt this be a sin too. taking something thats not yours, and you didnt earn or pay for.. Sin #5 Not saying "bless you" or "gaszoomtite" after someone sneezes, thats just rude especially if you know the person. sometimes when I am in a movie and someone sneezes.. I even say it in my head, hoping the mental kindness will reach the person that sneezed :) Sin #6 intentially being rude to people for no reason, waiters, waitress's, cab drivers, neighbors, cashiers.. it drives me nuts when people are mean to other people, or snotty for no reason. Its not their fault your having a bad day. Sin #7 DRUGS, that should be a sin too.. of course I dont want all people to stop doing them, because then I wouldnt have a job.. but it should still be on the sin list, or.. doing drugs while pregnant, or caring for children or other people. :)
well, I've had a long day of Sinning, so I suppose I'll finish it off with.. "laziness" watching reality TV, since its how I started the day,

Nothing to say

I have nothing interesting to say.. I have nothing good to report... Nothing bad either..

Just nothing..

How sad.. what a sad week...

Sick sIck sicK SiCk-o this week.. what a waste of a week :p


Mildly Depressed,, why so Sad :( I dunno... same reasons different day..



Exhausted.. so tired.. are my eyes open?? I cant even tell.. What the heck is my kid doing?? I have no idea.. where is my kid??.. Hmmm...


Holy Stresssss!!! This is almost what my hair looks like, should have got it cut yesterday.. Dang.. I hope I dont try to "cut it myself" which on crazy woman days I have been known to do... Stressss, School, finals, work, HUSBAND, Kid, OMG my house is a total disaster, Where are my work clothes, What? I have to go to work tomorrow? but i still feel like crap..


Confused.. what in the heck is wrong with me?? You'd think I was on some new experimental medication or something.. but no.. this is just a phase, it will pass.. maybe next week will be better, I suppose all of my confused stuff could be related to the stressed stuff, that could be caused by the sick stuff, in combination with the exhausted stuff...Hmmm... maybe they are all working together to make my life misrable.. What a bunch of Meanie's :P
Sorry for the Ramblings...
Have a nice day :)

A busy girl in a busy world

So I had yesterday and today off! Yesterday we went to the movies, and today.. I went grocery shopping, birthday shopping, Harlee's & Riley's :) Its a busy birthday month.

I played with Riley outside..
This picture looks Riley's hair is on fire!! :)

I made dinner :) awe what a good little wifey I am, I watched shows with my sick husband, which made him happy, I took 2 tests and did homework,I packaged all the scentsy orders and send out totals to the people who got new springy scents :) & are about to be happy!, I boiled eggs


and we decorated easter eggs!!

so after I was cleaning up the pink countertops! I was feeling pretty proud of myself and all that I had accomplished these two days off.. then.. I turned around.. and realized.. why I had so much time to accomplish these things.....

I guess some things have to get skipped when you work full time, full time mom, have a hobby job, go to school part time, and try to run a house :) Dishes arent that important.... but I did do the dishes shortly after this.. its was driving me nuts, But I still have another load! we didnt even have any spoons left! ewe....
oh.. and I downloaded pics to facebook & this posting.. :) I think I deserve some ice cream and a warm bath for all my hard work :)