Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Not 30 anymore! Thank god!!


I have been dreading this post for awhille now. for many reasons. Trying to sound positive and cheery in a post is easy when it something fun you did, or a family celebration. But when its more of a turning point, and hopefully a beginning to something better, someone better, you want to be honest.
So here goes, This has been a horrible year. Turning 30 was nothing like the movie 13 going on 30! It was suppose to be... 30 Flirty and Fun! & really thats what I expected. 30's the new 20!! Wooohooo.... its all crap.. Its when you actually start to look at your life, and debate on whether this is the life you signed up for. When your frustrated that you want to be so thankful for everything in your life, but have a difficult time doing that. In your 20's your so excited to be on your own, cant wait to fall in love and get married, have kids, and find the perfect place to live. your so busy you fail to stop and take a look around at whom you have become. I think in your 20's you lose allot of your true self, to busy trying to create a life you think you want.
One day around.. 30.. you wake up, realize, the house is a mess, you have to many obligations and responsibilites, and you are so tired! and you cant remember the last thing you truely did for yourself when you didnt feel guilty about it. & all you want to do is cry. This is a turning point, reality sets in and its time for a change..

So.. Here is what I know..
I lost allot this year. Someone who was important in my life, I learned betrayal can come from the most unexpected places and people are capable of things you would never think are possible. But I have spent to much time being mad, and upset, since I cannot change the past, I will no longer let it cloud my days, and haunt my thoughts and dreams. I think the worst part is this person doesnt even seem to care, no regrets, no apologies, and no explanation. That hurts most.

I have noticed this year I have gotten more bold, I am not afraid to speak my mind, and eventhough I am a very honest person, I feel like I can hold my own now. & that.. Being Nice.. isnt always the best way to handle things. Riley has helped me allot, he always speaks up for what he considers injustice and he is only 3! So if he can defend me.. I can surely not let people run over me anymore.

We took our first family vacation to seaworld and legoland, First time for all of us!, We made our first late mortgage payment in over 6 years :( .We went to the snow! for the first time, Riley is potty trained! (major bonus), We are having our 2nd child, & we have a truck that only holds 2 people.. So.. lol I might be riding in back allot after the baby comes :) But that ok, I adventurous :)
We have expierenced so many new things as a family!

It was mostly a sad year, a year of learning, a year of discovery, a year of realizing what I want and who I want in my life and who I dont.
I have started the next chapter. I can see the end of the tunnel and look forward to the sunshine. Riley will be starting pre-school in january, a few months later we will have an new addition to our little family. Things are looking up, and I have come to realize I cannot do everything myself. and I am working on asking for help more. I am finding the positive side of things again, and enjoying it. I am looking forward to so many things! & I do have so many blessings in my life that I am so Thankful for!
My husband is one of the kindest people I know and I am thankful for that. He is an amazing dad! Riley is the sunlight in my day. Even when he is driving me nuts I still want to be around him!.. I am actually thankful for school! & proud of myself for still going, I want Riley to know its important to finish his education, and know that mommy worked, raised a family and finished school eventhough its going to take me 10 years to do it!
So the glass is half full from now on! I am so Thankful Im not 30 anymore!! & my pre-mid life crisis has ended.

2 Comments!! I love Comments!:

Amy said...

Love you!

brando79az said...

I just turned 30 in Sept. I am treading carefully :-)